If you are like me, you may have dreams that make you wake up in the morning with one thought: “What the f*** was that?” I have those quite often.

I have lots of dreams that are very short so I will give you an example of my most recent and long dream; it started with me going to a house that was Japanese like and there was an above-ground pond. It was covered in plants and there were lots of tiny fish in it. The right side of the pond was wedged against the side of my parents’ house (it was in the dream, anyway), so I circled around the left to get to the other side of the pond by the glass doors of the patio. On my way there, I found a lizard on the ground. I picked it up and when I got to the other side, I put the lizard on the fluffy green plants that grew out from inside of the pond. Out of nowhere a frog came out and tried to snatch the lizard as I was putting it down. The lizard disappeared into the green foliage very quickly and the frog disappeared after it. It all happened so quickly I whispered “Oh shit!” as I pulled my hand away. I then turned to the glass doors and saw a cat with a litter of kittens inside the house. That’s strange. My parents would have told me if they got kittens…

The next thing I knew I was in my boss's large office with a handful of my colleagues. We were standing and waiting in our military uniforms as we watched a guy in a black long-sleeve shirt and jeans talk to our boss at the desk. They might need us to take on a special task, aside from the war we were in currently. The guy in the black shirt was talking very fast and extremely tense. Something about how he knew where we needed to go and who we needed to get to in order to stop the war we were in. He clearly got through to our boss, so we were sent out on this mission with this black-shirted guy as our team lead.

Next, we were in the desert. We found a place, in the middle of nowhere, with a concrete pad and things lying around as if there used to be a home that stood there. The only things left of the home were some chairs, some clothing items here and there, a tree, and a grill. My dad was grilling something for the entire team. I was watching him from a set of stairs that led up onto the concrete pad. I was in full black military gear with my M16 in my arms. Then my mom walked passed me picking up debris to make a clean space to eat. I got up to walk with her so I could ask her and dad (as we passed him) about that cat? Did they know she had kittens? They knew, but didn’t seem too concerned about not telling me. Okay, whatever…

Shit was going down now. We were running along a wall of black coal like rocks. They were stacked so perfectly, the wall ran straight up without a sloping edge. We kept running, adrenaline high, looking for a place to climb up to the top. We had to get there. We found a dip in the wall that had a slope to the rocks. This was our chance to get up there. One of my team members tried to climb up but the rocks kept sliding under his hands and feet. He tried so many times, his hands were starting to bleed. Another guy tries several times and this time he got close to the top but as he slid back to the bottom, the rocks above him started dislodging and more of the rocks came tumbling down and enveloped his entire body but his face. His head crushed under the weight and there was lots of blood. The blood flooded upwards, instead of down. I didn’t have time to think about anything that just happened. The fact was, he made the slope so much less steep and we all took advantage and ran up to the top.

My dad and I were the last two getting to the top. We watched the vehicle we were supposed to hop into drive off, with one of our guys chained up to the side of the truck. Is wrists and ankles were chained up and fastened to the truck. There was no reason for our buddy to be treated that way. Something was so wrong and I shouldn’t get into the truck. I asked dad if he was getting on and he said no.

We watched the truck speed off suddenly, with our buddy on the side of the truck. I said to my dad there was something going on and I don’t feel our team lead actually wanted to stop the war. He had us doing something that was in his own personal interest. Something he couldn’t do alone. He agreed. Neither of us could put our finger on it, but everything about this was wrong. Do we approach our boss to let him know? Or should we leave it alone?

Then I woke up! Yes, my dreams can be extremely weird and graphic. Isn’t this Halloween worthy??? I think so!!! I have more where that came from!! But there was only one other one that involved blood and I cannot really remember that one. Seriously, though! How crazy and ridiculous is this dream??

I am all about looking up dream symbols. I believe my dreams are my unconscious thoughts coming to light and I want to know. However, in this dream there were so many things that stood out to me and they were so specific that when I looked them up I couldn’t really find anything that resonated.

I think I have told you about my decluttering coach. Again, she is actually a transformational coach, but I call her my decluttering coach because she helps me declutter my emotions. I brought it up to her because of how bizarre the dream was. Like how crazy am I in the head?! (LOL) She asked me one question and everything clicked. Not immediately, but it clicked well.

She asked me what feelings were involved. I thought about it and my first answer was according to how I was acting in my dream: I felt used and I didn’t know what to do. But I didn’t feel like that was ultimately it. I sat with the dream for a moment and told her I felt pulled in two different directions. Do I go back to my boss to tell him we were being used and betrayed? Or do I leave it alone? Then my coach says that sounds a lot like what you are going through right now. Then it truly clicked in my head.

I was struggling with a friend at the time. Who I considered a family friend. Mind you I didn’t like her when I first met her because she had her guard up so high she was completely fake. It took a couple of years for her to become genuine and that was when I felt more connection with her. Well, she started her own business which had her networking a lot and her guard shot straight back up and I saw the fakeness while she had her get togethers with these strangers in her house. Her fakeness overtook her entirely and started being fake with me all over again. We had built a relationship over the years, but suddenly that was not important anymore.

I felt betrayed, backstabbed, dropped and forgotten, and most of all unimportant. I wanted to tell her but I didn’t know how. Speaking to my decluttering coach, I realized that was my way of controlling the situation. Telling her and making her feel “something”. There was a part of me that knew that was not going to make anything right and that is why “I didn’t know how to” bring it up to her. I came to the conclusion, with my coach’s help, that not telling her and just disappearing from her life was the best for me. Not wasting my breath or energy in any conversation that would have gone nowhere, anyway.

Surprisingly, the moment I made that decision, I felt much lighter. But because the wound is still fresh, every time I saw her in my Facebook feed, I would still feel that pang in my heart. I mean we have been friends, FAMILY friends, almost my entire 10 years in New Mexico! So I cut her out of my life the best I knew how. I deleted her off of every social media and blocked her as well. I used to have a group text with her, her husband, and my husband pinned to the top of my text app, I deleted that. Josh stopped texting them too, so that worked out.

It was after all of that, knowing I completely cut her out of my life, did I feel a shit ton lighter! It felt so good! I thought I had to confront her to feel better, but that was not the case at all! I just had to let her go on my side! Once I understood that, I had no problem letting go of whatever it was that reminded me of her. I basically decluttered her out of my phone, my surroundings, and my life. How rejuvenating that was!

I know you have one question: What if you bump into her?

Why should I make myself worry about that? The fact is I still know her, so I will say hi, but I will say it like she is an acquaintance. If what I did bothers her, I will answer if she asks. However, according to her actions, it was clear she didn’t care anyway. So if I were to bump into her I am pretty sure she would also treat me as an acquaintance and I am totally cool with that! problem solved and not wasting my time and energy!

Dreams of Horror

Family Triggers

I Went Vegan!