Lucky the BYRD: Standing By Her Side Through a Miscarriage

One last time… I did it again… I published another book!! The story is the same, but in the perspective of my husband. While I researched about miscarriages, as I was going through the experience of my own, I mentioned previously that there was not much shared by women for me to read and learn. I also noticed there was not a single thing supporting men or partners who are watching the miscarriage happen.

We all know how different we are between male and female beings. However, it is so hard to see and acknowledge that during hard times. Women tend to be more emotional because we are wired to provide nurturing environments and if we are not emotional we wouldn’t be able to do our jobs as nurturers as the bearer of babies. Men are wired to provide stability in a home so that we can survive especially during the time of baby growth.

Just to clarify, I am not stating that women have to stay home and men has to be the breadwinner. I am definitely not saying that it has to be exactly this way. For all I know you may decide the mother gives birth and the father stays home and brings the child up. Just because you are more in tuned to emotions does not mean you have to be the one to stay home. It does not matter what we are wired to do. We can still do what we are wired to do with full time jobs or not. If you think for a second I was being sexist, you clearly have not met me. e-hem! Back to my thoughts…

My point is for things that are super obvious to us is not for them and what is super obvious to them is not for us. We have to communicate in a way that is direct, no matter how ridiculous it seems. If they get it, they will let you know, but just assume they do not know what is going through your brain and your heart.

In all reality, emotional beings or not, we may not get emotional about the same things as the next person. So no matter how many women or partners your man has gone through, he is dealing with a entirely different person. So assume they don’t know YOU at all and spell it out for them and keep that up forever. He will appreciate it.

Side note: I do not use the word “assume”, except in instances like this. Mostly because I hear my dad every time I hear it and every time I use it… “Don’t make an ASS out of U and ME.” I am positive a lot of you can relate! And also it is so true! I like facts. If you didn’t tell me and I didn’t ask, what wasn’t said can’t be relied on.

Which makes me come to my next conclusion, maybe this is why I have a better time communicating with my husband. Not just the fact that I don’t expect him to assume anything, but because I personally do not rely on words not uttered.

I have tried different levels of communication and I have found “direct” to be the best way to go. The problem in the case of a miscarriage is that during so much of the emotional pain and roller coaster with the possible physical pain, it is hard to even explain what is going on. It was hard even for me to explain to Josh what I was feeling. The word devastation was the closest I could get, but it didn’t necessarily cover the entirety of it. The first book was not just for the woman going through the miscarriage, but for the men in her family. It will explain, the best in my words what I went through, but could possibly explain, parts of what the woman is going through, since all miscarriages are different. This book is specifically for the men in her life, but it could also help the women understand what goes through the heads of men during such devastating times.

Both books are to help the couple be in better communication. It is also there to help each person see the light at the end of the tunnel. It may be a devastating time, but because of it so many things flourished in my life and Josh’s. We couldn’t be happier with everything that is currently happening. Thanks to the miscarriage we experienced together.

I will have more books coming! I have so many ideas it is hard to keep everything on track! …But they will all happen, eventually.